As a Life Coach, I often notice that when people want to make substantial changes in their lives that they benefit from something called decluttering. Most of us can relate to the experience of having too much stuff; stuff that is basically not used and worse, is taking up space that could be occupied by useful things.
Decluttering often needs to be done in relationships as well. Do you have people in your life who take up space but contribute little or nothing to your life? This may at first sound a bit harsh, but consider this: Envision that you have a “friend” that you have known for a while. Perhaps you have nurtured this friendship with invitations to get together, join you at your home for a meal and a movie, listened to stories of sadness and loss, invited to events, etc. Continue to envision that your “friend” passes up opportunity after opportunity to share with you in a similar way what you have shared. The friend never so much as invites you over for a slice of pizza (delivered) after many occasions of accepting your hospitality. Your friend never asks you about your life or what is new with you beyond the usual “how ya doing?” initial greeting. Or if he/she does, your response is cut short and your “friend” then launches into the latest tale of woe and the discussion never returns to your latest news.
Hmmm…what’s wrong with this picture?
Sounds like a unidirectional relationship to me…one in which your “friend” is the receiver and you are the provider.
As I see it, in such a situation you have 2 choices: talk to your friend frankly and state what you need in the friendship. Maybe the friend is oblivious and is appalled at their self-absorption. Maybe things will change.
But what if they don’t? Or, what if you’ve already put a lot into the relationship and you want to cut your losses because you see a pattern and you don’t expect it to change? This is where decluttering comes in. There are some people who go through their lives accepting the generosity of others but fail to see the value in reciprocation. These relationships are established in a one-gives/the-other-receives dynamic. Usually the receiver doesn’t even realize it and might even be incensed at the very idea that someone else would see it that way. Sometimes a person may be better off to declutter such a relationship in the same way that he/she would declutter a closet. There is only so much space in the closet. Are there clothes that no longer fit? Are out of style? Are stained? These items take up space that could be occupied by the luxury of open space or could be filled with new clothes.
You may feel offended at the idea of “cutting someone off”. Relationships discontinue and change all the time. Relationships cool. Decluttering is more conscious and deliberate — a decision is made. You wouldn’t go to the “friend” and say “I’ve decided to declutter and you’ve got to go”. Perhaps your decision would be to cease putting energy into the relationship. Delay returning calls; eventually not return calls. Or you might have an ending conversation. It’s up to you.
Does your closet need to be decluttered? Only you can decide this. Remember that decluttering, whether in your house, garage, office, or life may be a metaphorical or literal first step to making the substantial and meaningful changes that you want to make to manifest your best life.
Call me to talk about Life Coaching and how it can be transformative. 802.373.3547
Filed under: Uncategorized
I do like your site! Let’s like to each other!
I meant :”link” not “like” to each other.